


What You Need

by kiyala



Series: Toxic [7]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Depression, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-20
Updated: 2014-05-20
Packaged: 2018-01-25 21:19:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1662815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiyala/pseuds/kiyala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Enjolras and Grantaire figure out how to communicate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What You Need

**Author's Note:**

> Set about a week after the events of [A Christmas Thing](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1065442) and [The Thing That Never Happened](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1071055).

Grantaire is upset. Enjolras has been aware of it for the past fifteen minutes and it's been bothering him the entire time. It bothers him that Grantaire is upset in the first place and while Enjolras is pleased that he's picked up on it himself—and he knows that Combeferre would be proud of him for it too—that's overshadowed by the fact that Grantaire is trying to hide it from him. They're on a date and Grantaire is hiding something and the more Enjolras thinks about it, the angrier it makes him.

Except Enjolras knows that he's not meant to be angry about this. He and Combeferre might have an agreement to communicate openly whenever they're upset with each other, but that doesn't extend to anyone else, and definitely not to Grantaire, who doesn't even know about it. It's difficult to keep reminding himself of this fact, but he doesn't know what else to do. He doesn't know how to make Grantaire stop feeling upset, doesn't even know _why_ Grantaire is upset in the first place.

He reaches across the table at the café they're currently sitting in, taking Grantaire's hand and squeezing it gently. It makes Grantaire look up from the coffee mug that he's been turning around and around. The slight frown on his face softens into a smile and Enjolras returns it. He knows Grantaire well enough to treasure every smile he gets, and to feel immeasurably proud each and every time Grantaire smiles because of him.

"Is something wrong?" Enjolras asks carefully.

Grantaire's smile grows strained as he drops his gaze to their hands. "Everything's fine."

Enjolras' grip tightens and he frowns. "I know that's a lie."

"Then why did you ask?" Grantaire replies, his tone light, but when he sees Enjolras' expression darken, he sighs quietly. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to piss you off. It just kind of happens."

"You're not pissing me off," Enjolras says quietly. "You're upset and I'm concerned, because I care about you. I don't like it when people lie and I really don't like the fact that you feel that you need to hide the fact that you're upset rom me. I want you to communicate with me."

Grantaire laughs softly. "Valjean's done a pretty good job with you."

"The credit goes to Combeferre," Enjolras replies. "He's the one who had to deal with me years before I started going to Valjean. Even before I was diagnosed. He's the whole reason I've made it so far and then I started going to Valjean and he's helped a lot too."

"But the communication thing comes from Combeferre," Grantaire says with a small nod. "How are him and Courfeyrac doing, by the way?"

"Extremely well, actually. They've worked everything out and they're happy now. Just like I knew they would be." Enjolras gives Grantaire a fond smile. "But if you think you're going to get away with changing the subject like that, you are sorely mistaken."

Grantaire laughs, but at least it sounds genuine. "Worth a shot, though."

Squeezing Grantaire's hand again, Enjolras holds his gaze. "Tell me what's wrong. Please?"

Grantaire hesitates for a moment, but finally nods. "I was talking to Feuilly yesterday about how my next appointment with Valjean is in a couple of days and… well, I was going to talk to him about everything that's happened over our break, just to catch him up. Feuilly mentioned that Valjean is probably not going to be very pleased about… us."

Enjolras frowns. "I don't see how it's any of his business."

"Well…" Grantaire falters a little at that. "I guess it's really not, but I guess he's meant to be looking at what's best for us—"

"And you don't think that this is good for us," Enjolras finishes, his brows drawing together. "Do you want to—"

" _No_ ," Grantaire interrupts, sounding horrified. "No, Enjolras. Nothing like that. I don't want that. It's just that I think that Valjean is going to take issue with it."

"So we don't tell him," Enjolras replies simply. "It's none of his business. I like you. You're my boyfriend. We know this isn't going to be easy but we're trying to make it work anyway. That matters more than what Valjean thinks."

"Your boyfriend," Grantaire murmurs with a small smile. "I like it when you call me that."

"I like calling you my boyfriend," Enjolras replies with a matching smile of his own. 

"I… thought you would want to break up," Grantaire admits quietly, his smile slipping away with his words. "I was worried that if I told you that Valjean would be opposed to it and why, you'd… I don't know. Come to your senses or something and decide that this is a bad idea. That I'm a bad idea."

With a soft snort, Enjolras tightens his grip on Grantaire's hand. "Do I really come across as the kind of person who gives a fuck about what people think I should or shouldn't do?"

Grantaire laughs at that, holding Enjolras' hand with both of his. "Yes, but only so you can do the opposite."

"That's not what I do," Enjolras replies immediately. "I don't set out to break the rules. It's just that so many people's views of what is right and what is wrong are completely stupid."

"I know," Grantaire says, giving him a fond smile. "I know that you do what you feel is right. That you don't care what other people think about it."

"Breaking up with you is the complete opposite of what I want to do," Enjolras tells him firmly. "I want you to believe me, Grantaire. I don't want you to be upset."

Grantaire smiles again, even wider this time. "I believe you."

• • •

When Enjolras gets home, Courfeyrac is over. He and Combeferre are sitting in front of the TV although they're not watching the movie currently playing. Courfeyrac is sitting sideways in Combeferre's lap and they have their arms wrapped around each other. They might have been kissing at some point, but now they're just sitting there with their foreheads resting together. Enjolras knows his friends well enough to know that they're both smiling even though he can't see their faces.

Shutting the door behind him silently, Enjolras looks away from his friends with something unpleasantly close to jealousy coiling in his chest. He knows that it's not exactly a fair comparison, but he and Grantaire have been together for longer than Combeferre and Courfeyrac, even if only by a matter of days. While his friends are content to cuddle on the couch, Grantaire is still worried that Enjolras is going to leave him.

Courfeyrac runs his fingers through Combeferre's hair, kissing him with a content hum and a surge of irrational anger runs through Enjolras. He toes out of his shoes as noisily as possible and the guilt he feels when Combeferre and Courfeyrac jerk apart does nothing to make him feel any better.

Combeferre turns to him and frowns immediately. "You're upset."

Enjolras _is_ upset and it's not until Combeferre says it that he realises just how upset he is. He sits on the couch, making sure to take up enough space so that Courfeyrac won't get out of Combeferre's lap. He's been doing everything he can to show his friends that he's happy they're together. He doesn't want Combeferre to pull his attention away from Courfeyrac just because of him. Combeferre has done that enough in the past.

"Grantaire's friend Feuilly says that Valjean won't like the fact that he and I are dating," Enjolras says.

Combeferre hums in thought, picking up the TV remote to turn it off. "I can see why Feuilly would think that."

"I don't," Enjolras mutters. "He was happy that we made friends. He _wanted_ us to make friends."

"That's true," Courfeyrac speaks up, "but being friends with someone is very, very different to dating them."

Combeferre squeezes Courfeyrac's sides gently and nods. "It's true. You're much more vulnerable when you're dating someone than when you're just friends with them. You and Grantaire are both in therapy and from what you've told me about Grantaire, I think that he's especially vulnerable at the moment, even without considering his relationship with you."

"Valjean will think that I'm going to hurt him," Enjolras realises, with a sick jolt. "He's going to think that I'll—damage him. That's what I do, isn't it? Break things, even when I don't mean to. I'm going to undo all the good that Valjean's done for him, I—"

"Enjolras," Courfeyrac says firmly. Enjolras' doesn't even realise his hands are shaking until Courfeyrac takes them into his own. "Shh, Enjolras, you're not going to hurt Grantaire, okay? I know you're not, because I can see how careful you're being. Not just with him, but in general. You're doing great and we're both really proud of you, okay?"

Before he knows it, Enjolras finds himself sitting in between Combeferre and Courfeyrac, their arms around him.

"I noticed that Grantaire was upset today, all on my own without needing anyone to point it out to me," Enjolras says quietly. "And I waited for him to say something first instead of bringing it up straight away."

"That's really good," Courfeyrac tells him. "You were being patient with him. That's exactly what he needs you to be."

Enjolras smiles and when he sees Combeferre's proud smile, his grows even wider. Their arms tighten around him and Combeferre links his fingers with Courfeyrac's.

"What will you do about Valjean?" Combeferre asks at length.

Enjolras shrugs. "He doesn't have to know."

"Is that wise, keeping secrets from him?"

"I don't care. This is between Grantaire and myself. It's for us to figure out, and that's exactly what we're going to do. As long as my impulse control doesn't disappear on me and I blurt it out, we're going to be fine. I think we're going to be fine either way."

Combeferre's smile returns at that and he squeezes Enjolras' shoulder. "Yeah. I think so too."


End file.
